Hey babes! Happy 2018 ✨

It's that time of the month. . . the month where your Monday's are the best part of your week and you virtually travel around the world watching the chaos. I have been watching Bach for years and I thought why not do a recap of this season? 🌹

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Let's start with the new Bachelor, Arie or Aria, oh wait that's Pretty Little Liars. . . well whatever his name is, throwback to Emily's season! Like whyyyy ABC! I think we were all crossing our fingers for Peter 🤤. Arie is old news (but legit he has grey hair, and had grey hair like 5 years ago how old is this guy). 

Bach starts out so dramatic (as always) with Arie saying, "this is the most important race of my life". 


The intros AKA ABC only shows the interesting people. 

Raven’s Friend- super cute, basically Raven's twin, definitely wild.

Marikh- this chicka says she "owns" and "runs" this restaurant with her mom but all they show is her mom cooking up a storm and I am pretty sure Marikh is the hostess. 🙄 

Taxidermy girl-  I'm confused, are you a taxidermist or is this some sort of fetish you have? This just makes me nervous.

Krystal- she exercises for a living and feeds the homeless in her spare time? Looks like an angel, but I don't know about this one. The ones that seem the most zen, always end up having the most meltdowns (TAYLOR from last season).


Here comes the limos with the ladies. These are some of my faves.

CHRIS HARRISON: Did you ever think being the next Bachelor would be in the cards for you?

ARIE: No obviously not, I figured I was too old and everyone forgot about me.

Seriously, is it too late to replace him with Peter? 

So ladies start coming out and COME ONE Arie can you be less obvious that you're staring at their boobs..


Chelsea, 29
Occupation: Real estate executive assistant
Hometown: Portland, Maine

Serious bad vibes about her, p.s why is she acting so mysterious? 

Ravens friend literally hands Arie a tiny weiner and then asks Arie if he has one of those already. What is she thinking? It's memorable, I'll give her that. 

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Obviously, the intros are full of cheesy pickup lines. "they say you shouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari but why not an Arie?". 🙈 


Let's be totally honest, most of these girls are hoping to turn out like Lauren Bushnell and Amanda Stantonn in the hopes of getting free clothes and invited to exclusive parties after Bach. 🥂

Krystal, 30
Occupation: Fitness Coach
Hometown: San Diego, California
Here she is, the angel herself! If Krystal could be any animal, she'd be a unicorn. Is it just me or does she always sound out of breath?! Feel like I can't breathe when I listen to her talk. 

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. . . and then she does a little bit of yoga chanting. Namastay awaaayyyy.

Other highlights from the intros include Maquel showing up in a literal race car, a girl asking Arie to sniff her pits, and one chicka literally showed up in her prom dress. 


Watching Chelsea try to hand Arie a drink, and fail makes me cringe! 

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Chelsea is the first person to snag some one-on-one time, 100% target is already on her back. 👀 She’s like “I’m not really that aggressive of a person”, 🤔  he said all of 3 words before you stole him from the room.


P.S how cute is Bekah? I just want to be best friends with her and I can totally appreciate the fact that Arie finds her gorgeous (because she is). The girls in the house keep throwing out side comments about her age. Is this legal ABC?

Chelsea gets the first impression rose, which means she 100 percent won’t win.

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I mean, must not be that hard to remember all the girls names when half of them are named Lauren. 

Even Belle got through! The losers include Jessica, Amber, and a few others that no one will remember. 

End of week 1 babes! 


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(Friendly reminder that this is supposed to be taken light hearted, don't mean any intentional hurt). 



HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE for her, for him, for everyone

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE for her, for him, for everyone